Dissociation After Trauma: A Superpower That Can Hold You Back

Written with contributions from Kirsten Faisal.

Key Takeaways:

1. Dissociation helps people survive overwhelming and traumatic experiences, but it can later interfere with memory, emotion and spontaneity.
2. In court, judges, juries, and attorneys may misinterpret dissociative symptoms—such as memory gaps or freezing—as inconsistency or indifference.
3. Grounding techniques can help victim-survivors manage unwanted dissociation and stay present in the moment.

Darrell yells at Cris while squeezing her arm and telling her she’s stupid, worthless and a bad mother. Cris has heard this all many times before. Darrell won’t let her step away, and she feels afraid. Cris spaces out and cries softly, agreeing with whatever Darrell says, waiting for him to run out of steam. Meanwhile, their two children are hiding in their mother’s closet. 

In this repeated scenario, Cris and the children start dissociating.

What is Dissociation and How Does It Appear in Domestic Violence?

When you dissociate you feel like you are disconnected from yourself or the world around you. You might experience an “out-of-body feeling.” You may have trouble remembering what happened during this time. 

Dissociation is being present but feeling absent. Or being present but feeling numb.

Dissociation is an uncontrollable brain response to overwhelming events. 

If you have been through a prolonged or repeated trauma, dissociation might be your “super-power.” It helped you survive something unbearable. People learn to dissociate during child abuse, intimate partner violence, sexual assault, painful medical procedures and more.

If you dissociated in one situation or relationship, you are more likely to dissociate in another. Here’s an example:

Emily’s father beat her as a child. She would “space out” during these beatings. She felt like she was looking down at herself from the ceiling. As an adult, when her boyfriend abused her, she would dissociate. In psychotherapy, Emily realized that dissociating during her boyfriend’s abuse enabled her to minimize it and stay in the relationship longer than she might have otherwise. 

When filing for a protective order, Emily had trouble remembering specific incidents. She was glad she had kept a diary, had sent texts to her sister and had photographs of the hole her boyfriend had punched in the wall.

Dissociation can lead to a kind of “dual consciousness,” where a domestic abuse victim-survivor sees and acknowledges the abuse. But at the same time carries on as if nothing serious was happening.

Dissociation can be helpful (at the dentist or initially surviving trauma), neutral (like when time on a bus passes unnoticed) or harmful (feeling numb or unable to participate in relationships fully).

How Does Dissociation In the Courtroom Affect Abuse Survivors?

Dissociation is not a conscious choice. Nor is it simply forgetting or repressing memories. If a person dissociates during an event, the event may not be stored in their memory. Or the memories may be difficult to access. (Fortunately, people can still recover, even when their memories are incomplete or unclear). 

Dissociation in the courtroom is often misunderstood. Dissociation can affect a person's ability to testify. The person may have dissociated during the events, as mentioned above. Or they might dissociate while testifying. Facing the perpetrator in court and being forced to relive the trauma can trigger dissociation on the stand. When a victim-survivor cannot remember or dissociates while testifying, judges and juries may assume the person is dishonest, indifferent or unharmed by the abuse. Victims have even been threatened with charges of perjury in response to their dissociative symptoms.

Grounding Techniques for Domestic Violence Survivors

People with trauma histories often long to feel more present. They may want to stop feeling numb. Or they may not like how they “space out” during intense moments at work, with family, or during sex. Fortunately, grounding techniques can help trauma survivors pull themselves back into the present moment.

When dissociation is unwanted, grounding can help you stay present. Relaxation and meditation turn the focus inward. Grounding is different. Grounding shifts attention from overwhelming emotions to the present moment by focusing outward. The best part: you can practice grounding techniques anytime, anywhere.

Begin by reminding yourself of the date and time and where you are. For example, “It’s Monday October 20, 2025, and I am safe at my desk at work.” 

Keeping your eyes open, try one or more of the following grounding strategies for domestic violence survivors

• Feel How You Are Supported. Press your feet flat onto the floor. Hold onto your chair; is it wood, plastic or metal? Is it cushioned? Squeeze hard. Notice the weight of your body in the chair and the strength of your heels pushing into the ground.
• Touch Items Around You. Notice their texture, temperature, and weight.
• Look at Your Surroundings. What color are the walls? Count the lights and windows that you see. If outside, how many growing things can you see? What are the colors of the cars? Inside or outside, count the number of squares or circles you can find.
• Play a “List Game” Silently In Your Head. List cities that begin with the letter A, then do B, etc. List breeds of dog. List your favorite television shows.
• Try the 5-4-3-2-1 Technique.  In brief, 5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you.  Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. Acknowledge THREE things you hear outside of your body. Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste.

These are just a few examples of grounding techniques. You may have to spend several minutes grounding yourself before you feel and can stay present. Like all skills, grounding yourself takes practice and will become easier with time.

Dissociation: we all do it. Dissociation can help protect us in crisis or get us through a difficult, but expected part of life, like a medical procedure or frightening turbulence on an airplane. But unwanted dissociation can stand in the way of living in the moment and recovering from trauma. 

To learn more about taking care of yourself after trauma, read “13 Ways to Endure Emotional Pain.”

Kirsten Faisal has been the Director of Training and Technical Assistance for the Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence since 1995. Ms. Faisal helps develop public policy and programming across Iowa and provides consultation and training to professionals whose work supports and impacts survivors of domestic violence. She collaborated to establish domestic abuse protocols in Iowa's hospitals and reproductive care clinics, served on child welfare taskforces, presented for the attorney general’s office on strangulation, restraining orders, trauma, and victim services. She has also served as an expert witness in criminal and civil cases. A white paper she wrote on “Social Justice From the Margins” was presented at the Commemoration of the 20th Anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act by the Obama White House.