What is Stalking?

Key Takeaways

• Stalking is a form of abuse, usually by someone the victim knows. It’s often minimized or misnamed, making it harder to recognize and report.
• It’s a pattern that can escalate—and escalation signals danger. Stalking behaviors often intensify over time and are strongly linked to murder.
• Survivors are often dismissed, so documenting patterns is critical. Tracking repeated behaviors can help validate the abuse and support legal action.

This story was originally published in 2022. It was updated in 2026. 

In their relentless pursuit of power and control over a partner, abusers often turn to stalking as yet another tactic of torture. Abusers are known to stalk their partners both during a relationship and after it has ended, keeping a survivor in a near-constant state of fear and unease. The psychological effects can be long-term and detrimental. Research shows that victims of stalking suffer much higher rates of depression, anxiety, insomnia and social dysfunction than people in the general population, especially since nearly a third of stalking victims say they fear the stalking will never stop. 

As one survivor described it to Dana Fleitman with the Stalking Prevention, Awareness and Resource Center (SPARC), “It’s like he’s taken my life without killing me.”

Stalking and Domestic Violence

The majority of stalkers who target females are known to the victim, according to studies. According to the CDC, 43 percent of women report that current or former partners were their stalkers while 19 percent of women said they were stalked by a stranger. The remaining women were stalked by family members, persons with whom they had only a brief encounter and persons of authority. 

Fleitman, a Senior Training and Awareness Specialist with SPARC, says that stalking during a relationship is often identified by other names, such as digital or emotional abuse. Survivors know that an abusive partner is showing up where they are unexpectedly and suspect their location is being tracked, but they may not call it stalking. This is where the crime can become especially insidious, leading to a vast underreporting. An abusive partner who is stalking their partner knows that showing up at their partner’s place of work or at the same restaurant where they’re having dinner with friends isn’t illegal. But over time, this pattern of shadowing their partner takes a mental toll on the survivor. They feel like they are always being watched, and the abuser counts on that. Most troubling, however, is the fact that over time, an abuser’s stalking often escalates.

“While all stalkers can be dangerous, on average, intimate partner stalkers are the most threatening and dangerous,” says Fleitman. “They have the most access and information. They know really practical information to help them stalk—passwords, routines, who their family is. They also know what will most scare that victim.”

A stalker’s behaviors are often personal when there is or was once a relationship with the victim. It could be a subtle sign that they’re watching the victim. In the movie Sleeping with the Enemy, Julia Roberts’ character escapes her abusive husband by pretending to drown in the ocean. But her husband finds out she’s alive, tracks her to the city where she escaped to and goes into her home when she’s not there. He straightens the towels in the bathroom and turns all the cans to face forward in her pantry. When Roberts returns home and sees this, she knows her husband had found her as he had always been strict about his wife keeping the house in perfect order. 

What Does Stalking Look Like?

For those individuals who don’t name the patterns of harmful behavior by a partner “domestic violence,” it may take time to see the so-called harassment as illegal stalking. Some may simply say that their partner is “overly concerned with what I’m doing” or “way too protective.” Once a relationship ends, a survivor may think that their ex is just “bothering” them. It’s important to know that the below tactics constitute stalking and are, in fact, against the law.

Stalking can take many forms, including:

• Unwanted phone calls, text messages, emails or messages over social media
• Cyberstalking, or the misuse of internet or technology to stalk or harass someone, such as in the case of a survivor, Suzanna, whose ex-husband cyberstalked her and her two children after her divorce
• Unwanted letters, gifts or notes left at a survivor’s home, on their car or at their workplace
• Watching or following the survivor from a distance
• Sending photos of the survivor in locations they visit
• Spying on the survivor using a listening device
• Spreading harmful rumors about the survivor
• Using a cell phone tracker or other GPS device to keep track of a survivor’s whereabouts
• Contacting a survivor’s friends, family or coworkers to intimidate the survivor
• Going through a survivor’s trash or mail
• Causing property damage
• Using threats of harm
• Trying to find the confidential location or shelter where a domestic violence survivor is staying 
• Showing up unexpectedly at places where the survivor is (while shopping, at your child’s school or the gym)

Escalation in Stalking

Like all forms of abuse, stalking can escalate to more dangerous tactics of power and control. This might happen gradually or all of a sudden. Escalation is a sign that the stalker is becoming more agitated that they can’t establish control, or more emboldened that they eventually will. Escalation often means they’re moving into the next phase of a potentially violent plan and should be taken very seriously. Research from the National Institutes of Justice found that 71 percent of stalkers whose victims are current or former partners ended up following through on threats of violence, assaulting their victims.

Escalation can look like an uptick in the frequency or severity of stalking tactics. A once-daily harassing phone call might turn into a phone call every hour. Texts that were once begging for a survivor to talk are now threatening that if they don’t talk, something bad is going to happen. A survivor’s property is damaged—their car is keyed, or their tires are slashed. A family member begins to receive similar threats, telling them they need to convince the survivor to talk to the stalker.

The stalker may threaten suicide if the survivor doesn’t respond to them. Sometimes, those suicidal threats can also include homicidal threats—they’ll harm the survivor as well as themselves. 

“In 85 percent of attempted and 75 percent of completed femicides, there has been an episode of stalking within the year prior to the murder,” says Jennifer Landhuis, director of SPARC. “Stalking produces a three-fold risk of intimate partner homicide, meaning if a victim of domestic violence is also being stalked, they are 300 percent more likely to be killed by that intimate partner.”

Is Stalking a Felony?

While stalking is illegal in all 50 states, according to Fleitman, the first stalking offense in many states is usually charged as a misdemeanor. 

“Aggravating factors can bring it up to a felony,” she says. There’s a better chance of the crime being charged as a felony if the stalker has prior convictions or if there is a protection order in place against them. Threats with a weapon or breaking and entering, for example, are other aggravating factors. You can find out your state’s statute on stalking on the SPARC website. 

The key is to prove that the stalking has been a pattern of abusive behavior and not an isolated incident.

“It’s not a crime to send someone a text message or knock on a door, but stalking is. We encourage folks to zoom out,” she says of survivors who are reporting stalking or testifying about it in court. “They may have a smashed headlight, but they fail to mention they’re also getting creepy stuff in the mail or getting constant phone calls [from the same person].”

Unfortunately, many state statutes define stalking as a fear of physical violence but leave out the emotional harm aspect.

“You could be really scared they’ll follow you forever and never leave you alone. This may or may not meet a stalking statute based on your state,” Fleitman says. 

Statistics show that less than 40 percent of stalking victims report the crime to law enforcement. There are cases of law enforcement not taking victims’ reports of stalking seriously telling victims they can’t do anything because, technically, the perpetrator hasn’t hurt them. However, Fleitman says there are other potential charges that could be filed including:

• Harassment
• Trespassing
• Burglary
• Computer Crimes
• Nonconsensual distribution of intimate images
• Vandalism
• Threats of bodily harm
• Voyeurism
• Witness intimidation

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How to Prove You Are Being Stalked

To help prove stalking to law enforcement or in court, survivors should think about building a pattern, not just collecting proof when it comes to stalking. Here’s where to start:

Document Everything

While your first instinct may be to immediately delete creepy texts or emails, don’t. Keep all communication with the stalker, photograph all physical evidence, and keep a log of the dates and times of anything else suspicious that occurs that you may suspect the stalker is doing. To make an arrest, law enforcement needs probable cause that a crime has been committed. SPARC has created a documentation log (available in 10 languages) that can assist with documenting all the behaviors survivors are experiencing. 

Also, resist replying to any of the stalker’s attempts to communicate. Don’t respond to texts or emails, don’t answer phone calls from unknown numbers, and don’t fall for the “I just want to apologize” ploy. Don’t send someone else to talk to the stalker on your behalf or threaten them to try to make them leave you alone. Engaging with a stalker only fuels the fire that they have for getting your attention. 

Look for Digital Breadcrumbs 

Suspicious alerts should be documented as well. This includes account activity logs (showing a different location or IP address logged in as you), login alerts (someone trying to log in to your account but failing), IP-related email headers or repeated password reset attempts.

Ask for Witness Statements

Third-party corroboration can also carry weight, says Fleitman. That might include:

• Friends, neighbors, coworkers or security staff who’ve witnessed the stalker showing up, following you or contacting you
• Workplace reports (HR complaints or incident reports involving the stalker’s presence)
• Statements from building managers, doormen or campus security

Even if what they saw or heard seems insignificant, together a collection of statements will help establish a pattern of behavior.

Other Location-Based Evidence

Survivors can also use online records of the stalker’s location as evidence that they’re being followed or harassed. This can include:

• Entry and exit logs from workplaces, apartments or gated communities
• Keycard swipes or visitor logs
• Traffic or nearby business security cameras (you can request footage, though it may be time-sensitive)
• Rideshare or delivery history showing repeated proximity

A survivor can reach out to a domestic violence advocate for support when compiling evidence. They, or a legal expert whom they can refer you to, can help survivors organize evidence into a clearer narrative or affidavit, which can strengthen credibility.

Consider an Order of Protection Carefully

An order of protection may be the seemingly obvious next step here, but as survivor Donna Anderson told DomesticShelters.org, “Laws are made for people who follow the laws.” 

Stalkers may not think the law applies to them. “It could be like waving a red flag in front of a bull … inviting confrontation.” Then again, violating an order of protection can also get a stalker sent to jail, so it may be a safe bet to take. You may want to talk to a trained advocate for their opinion on your individual situation. A danger assessment can also help you better understand how dangerous your stalker is. 

What If No One Believes Me?

To an outsider, stalking can sometimes look like a partner who’s just persistent—they send nice gifts, sweet cards or elaborate flower arrangements; they show up at your workplace unexpectedly to surprise you. Certainly, movies have led us to believe that someone who doesn’t give up on their love interest is a “hopeless romantic.” Unfortunately, if these efforts are unwanted and the person making these efforts has been told to stop but continues anyway, this person falls into the stalker category. 

If you’re being stalked, it’s not your fault. Continue to remind yourself that it’s not in your head—if your gut feeling says something is off or you’re not safe, it’s important to listen. Keep speaking up, logging each incident and reporting the stalker. If the stalker is a former partner, reach out to an advocate at your local domestic violence program who can be a nonjudgmental sounding board and support for what you’re going through. 

Research shows that victims of stalking suffer much higher rates of depression, anxiety, insomnia and social dysfunction than people in the general population, especially since nearly a third of stalking victims say they fear the stalking will never stop. 

Finding a support group, a therapist or even just a trusted friend or family member to talk to can make a world of difference. Practice self-care methods that alleviate stress for you, whether that’s music, yoga, meditation, journaling or something else. 

Creating both a physical safety plan and an emotional safety plan will help you feel more prepared for future incidents. Plan out who you can turn to and where you can go if you feel like you’re not safe at home. Talk with children who live in your home about what steps they should take if they see the stalker or feel unsafe at any time. 

You Deserve Support

If something here feels familiar, support is available. Our Get Help page can help you find a local organization where advocates will listen without judgment. You can also use Hope Chat at the bottom of your screen to explore articles about abuse and options for staying safe or find a domestic violence advocate.