Domestic Violence Depositions: What to Expect and How to Prepare

Key Takeaways:

1. Depositions are pre-trial fact-finding sessions where attorneys assess witnesses’ knowledge, credibility and emotional responses—especially critical in domestic violence cases involving survivors and advocates.
2. Depositions differ significantly from trials: there's no judge present, the opposing attorney asks most questions and the setting can be informal but emotionally challenging, especially when facing manipulation or hostility.
3. Preparation, clarity, and emotional regulation are vital—witnesses should be truthful, avoid overexplaining, assert their need for clearer questions or breaks, and follow their own attorney’s guidance above all else.

Lawyers schedule depositions to gather facts before trial and to scope out the opposition. “It is a mini test-trial, before the trial,” says Arizona family attorney Colleen Contreras. Depositions can be utilized for both criminal and civil cases. Domestic violence survivors and advocates may find themselves deposed at some point. Survivors may be deposed about their experiences of abuse.. Advocates are likely to be deposed about their contact with a survivor, and their professional training and experiences.

Before a trial, attorneys want to know: 1) what you know 2) what you will claim and 3) the basis for those claims. They want to know if your witnesses testify well. They want to test your and witnesses’ ability to stay calm when provoked. They want to see what you remember and how you express yourself. They want to know if you will seem sympathetic and credible to a jury, judge or magistrate, depending on the case.

If you are working with a lawyer, ask for directions about the deposition. Each domestic violence case is different. The attorney may want you to keep answers short or expand on your ideas. They may want you to emphasize or de-emphasize aspects of your experience. If the lawyer’s advice differs from the advice of this piece, please follow the advice of your attorney.

How Depositions Are Different From Trials

Testifying in a deposition is not the same as testifying at a trial. Here are some of the main differences:

No Judge: No judge is present at depositions. Unfortunately, this means the attorney for the other side has more leeway to be manipulative. The attorney may try to trip you up or get you to lie, exaggerate or say something you don’t mean. 

Not in a Courtroom: Depositions are typically held in a law office or a neutral third-party space. Sometimes they are virtual.

Questioned By “the Other Side.” At a trial, you will most likely be questioned by the attorney from your side first. At a deposition, the attorney on your side will hardly question you at all. This may leave you feeling unsupported. If you have a lawyer, they should go with you to the deposition. This will give you some feeling of security. Your lawyer may object to a line of questioning. But no judge is present to rule whether the objection is sustained or overruled. This means that you may be expected to respond to a question that you find offensive or intrusive,such as, “Do you really think anyone will believe it was so bad if you stayed for fifteen years?”. Keep in mind that you may not be able to present your best case at a deposition. You will have more opportunities at trial.

People Present: The deposition room sometimes feels crowded. Several attorneys, paralegals and a stenographer may all attend. If you want to bring a friend, relative or advocate for support, be sure to clear it with your attorney in advance. If you are testifying against someone, such as the abuser, that person might have a right to be present. If this concerns you, discuss it with your attorney in advance. You may be able to arrange to exclude this person or have you or that person present through a video feed only. At the least, you can ask to sit somewhere so that person is not in your line of sight.

Parties and Witnesses

If you are the defendant or the plaintiff, then you are considered a “party” to the case. Other people may also be called to a deposition as either material or expert witnesses.

Material Witnesses: If you have had direct contact with one or both of the parties in a professional or informal context (as a therapist, advocate, evaluator, medical provider, friend or neighbor, for instance) then you may be a material witness. As a material witness you will be asked to discuss what you have witnessed.  Try to review with the attorney beforehand the questions that you are likely to be asked. Attorneys are not permitted to review what you will say.

As a material witness, your primary function is to testify about what you know related to this case and how you came to know it. The other side may try to test your competence and make you lose your cool. Speak mostly about events where you have been present, rather than what others told you about. If the victim told you about abuse at an earlier time, you may be able to discuss these conversations.

If you are being deposed about your work with one or both of the parties, the other side wants to test what you know and how credible you sound. You cannot expect to get paid for your testimony as a material witness, even if your relationship with the client is a professional one

Expert Witnesses: If you are an expert witness, the other side will seek information in the deposition to discredit you at trial. They want to make the case that you do not have adequate education, preparation or experience. They want to claim that your work is not standard practice, based on science, or widely accepted in the field. 

Be ready with information about how many years you have worked in the field, how many cases you have worked on, how much you got paid for working on this case, and how many hours you have worked on this case. Have a copy of your updated resumé or CV on hand.

Make sure you are familiar with the definitions of terms that you may be asked about, such as coercive control, best interests of the child and domestic violence. At the same time, don’t be afraid to admit to things you don’t know. For instance, maybe they ask you something about children and you only work with adults. Or they ask about abusers, and you work only with victims. Feel free to respond, “That is not part of the scope of my direct work. I can’t answer it.”

The other side will try to prove that you are biased. Try to speak with as little bias as possible.. You can and should have opinions, but these are based on evidence, research, or experience, rather than bias.

If you are being deposed as an expert witness, the other side pays you for your time. Demand payment a week in advance. Charge for travel time to the deposition or request a virtual deposition. 

When I was deposed as an expert witness recently, the attorney asked me about other cases. I answered a few general questions. Then the attorney asked me for specifics about other cases. I refused to answer. The attorney threatened to seek a court order to compel me to supply this information.  I knew she was bluffing. I was not about to reveal confidential client information just because an opposing attorney pressured me to do so. 

Advice for Domestic Violence Depositions

1. Be Prepared. You can ask your attorney for sample questions in advance. Make sure you understand the scope of the deposition to focus your efforts. This article on virtual testimony, as well as this article on preparing to testify and this one on taking the stand, may all be helpful.
2. Be Careful and Go Slow. Proceed slowly and cautiously when thinking of what to say and when speaking. One tip is to bring a bottle of water with a screw cap. This way, if you need to pause, you can take a few seconds to unscrew the cap, sip water and screw the cap back on. This will give you time to gather your thoughts. The judge may read the deposition transcript, so take as much time as you need.
3. Demand Clear Questions. The lawyer will ask roundabout questions, while insisting that you answer only “yes” or “no.” Or the lawyer may ask you several questions all strung together. Say that you need the question repeated more simply. If the question is still confusing, tell them that you cannot answer that question in the way that it is phrased. Assert yourself here. Don’t allow yourself to be pushed into answering “yes” or “no” to a question that requires elaboration. The lawyer is trying to see what they can get away with and trying to upset you.
4. Remember, the Lawyer is Performing. In depositions, some lawyers will be hostile. They may sigh, roll their eyes and shake their heads. Others will pretend they are friendly as they lead you to say something you don’t mean. The lawyer may refuse to make eye contact or might try to stare you down. Remember, these are performances. It’s not your job to please the attorney from the other side. Even if the attorney behaves poorly, try to stay centered and calm. Think about the lawyer’s treatment of you like bad weather. You don’t like it, but it’s not personal.
5. Be Truthful. If you’re not sure or don’t remember something, just say so. Don’t guess. Just like during a trial, you are under oath. Being untruthful in a deposition could result in contempt charges and undermine your future testimony. If you catch yourself saying something wrong, just correct it.
6. Do Not Volunteer Information. Unless your attorney has advised you differently, stick to the question asked. You’ll have a chance to say more at trial. Attorney Contreras emphasizes, “It’s OK to say, ‘I don’t recall.’ Don’t promise to produce a record or answer later unless your attorney directs you to do so. Less is more.”
7. Avoid Bias and Overgeneralizing. It’s fine to say that you oppose domestic violence or child abuse. But don’t say that women are always the victims in heterosexual couples or that children never lie. These statements are biased. Use words such as “sometimes,” or “often” or even “usually” rather than absolute words like “never” or “always.”
8. Time: Find out how long the deposition will last. Attorneys sometimes draw out the depositions to see if they can unsettle you as you get tired. Also, attorneys are paid by the hour. Prepare yourself for what may be a long and difficult hour, half-day or full day.
9. Take Breaks as Needed. Request a break to stretch your legs, use the bathroom, eat a snack or speak with your lawyer. Bring a little “care bag” for yourself with snacks, water, chewing gum, mints, a small fidget toy, or anything else that you think will help keep you calm and centered.

It’s natural to feel nervous before a deposition. Try to speak with others who have been through them, to get a sense of what to expect. The following resources may help:

• Nine Ways to Prepare to Testify in Court
• Taking the Stand in Domestic Violence Cases: Tips for Testifying
• How Should I Dress for Court?