Sleep Deprivation Used as Abuse

This story was originally published in 2018. It was updated in 2026. 

Key Takeaways:

• Sleep deprivation is a deliberate abuse tactic.It’s used to control, disorient and weaken survivors.
• The effects are serious and can be life-threatening. It harms mental and physical health and raises long-term risks.
• Coping isn’t enough—safety planning matters. Real protection comes from support, documentation and a path to safety.

Abusers seem to always be coming up with new and cruel ways to exert power and control. Sleep deprivation is one of those ways. The tactic harkens back to their toddler days—what better way to get someone’s full and undivided attention than to keep them awake all night? Except this time, abusive partners don’t have the excuse of being 2 years old. They’re adults, and they’re throwing a tantrum in the middle of the night for a much different reason: they want you to suffer. 

Is Sleep Deprivation Abuse?

When an abuser goes out of their way to make sleep impossible for a survivor—not allowing a survivor to go to bed, punishing them with violence for falling asleep or waking them up at all hours of the night for no reason—yes, that’s abuse. They likely have some inkling that what they’re doing is cruel and unusual, but they continue to do it anyway, over and over, and often without remorse. Sleep deprivation serves multiple purposes: it’s a way an abuser shows that they are in control and the lack of sleep results in the survivor feeling disoriented and less able to make sound and rational decisions. All of this works in an abuser’s favor.

When Sleep Becomes a Weapon

Mae Scott survived a marriage to an abusive partner who used sleep deprivation as one of his many abusive tactics. She says when she went to bed before her husband, he would turn on all the lights in their bedroom and rip the covers off her. He also used sleep deprivation as a tactic on their three children by pulling them out of bed in the middle of the night and sitting them on the couch. There, he would force them to listen as he berated their mother and threatened to leave the family unless they begged him to stay. Scott later wrote about her experience surviving abuse in her memoir, An Embarrassment of Pandas.  

“The sleep deprivation tactic made it nearly impossible for me to get actual, restful sleep on any night, regardless of his behavior. I was always on high alert, and I don't think I ever fell into real REM sleep cycles,” says Scott.  “The lack of regular, restorative sleep absolutely added to my confusion, and he loved to keep me confused.  He loved the mind games and the power he had over my functioning.”

Scott says she never woke up feeling rested until her now ex-husband was behind bars, found guilty of felony assault after strangling her, among other charges. 

Survivor Amy Thomson retells a similar but even more violent experience. Her abuser would wait until she was asleep before attacking her in bed. 

“I would awaken to thunderous pain at the back of my head. He wouldn’t even wait for me to recover from the blow … he would just begin screaming at me as he paced back and forth, sometimes with a [weapon] in his hand.”

When she thought he was finally letting her sleep, she’d close her eyes, only for him to elbow her side or strike her in the stomach. Sometimes, he dumped water over her head. 

“I was expected to stay awake the entire day following the incident. If he caught me falling asleep on the couch, he would ambush me again.”

Effects of Sleep Deprivation

The effects of sleep deprivation are cumulative. The longer you’re denied sleep, the greater the impact it can have on your mental and physical health. 

The long-term effects of sleep deprivation can include:

• Difficulty thinking, concentrating and problem-solving
• Feeling irritable
• Low motivation
• Increased risk of depression and anxiety
• Noticeable differences in memory, such as an inability to remember new information
• Falling asleep when you don’t intend to (during work or school, feeling like you might fall asleep while driving)
• Weakened immune system that can result in increased risk of illness
• Increased risk for high blood pressure and heart disease
• Less physical stability and an increased risk for accidents
• Weight gain—your brain’s ability to register fullness is compromised, resulting in an inclination to overeat

Can sleep deprivation kill you? Not directly, but it can significantly raise your risk of dying over time. Even short-term sleep loss has been linked to higher risks of certain cancers, such as breast cancer, as well as Alzheimer’s disease, says Chris Brantner, certified sleep science coach. It also increases the likelihood of serious accidents. In other words, chronic sleep deprivation can have life-threatening consequences. These are consequences that an extra cup of coffee can’t fix. What’s needed is, simply, more sleep. 

“You'll feel significantly better after a full night's sleep, but one of the biggest problems is that your circadian rhythm is going to be all out of whack,” says Bratner. “So, getting back to a point where you can get into a good sleep routine could take some time.”

How to Protect Your Sleep

A peaceful night’s sleep may be out of reach with an abuser who has a pattern of weaponizing sleep deprivation. A white noise machine and a good eye mask aren’t going to cut it here. Instead, you’re going to need help. 

• Think about a long-term exit plan.
  Likely, the abuser who uses sleep deprivation is also using other tactics of power and control. Their pattern of abuse is likely to escalate. Reach out to a domestic violence advocate to talk safety planning, which may include safe places to go and a protection order to keep the abuser at a safe distance. It may seem scary to think about leaving your partner and starting over, but these survivors can tell you it’s worth it. 
• Document what’s happening.
  If it’s safe, keep a simple log (dates, times, what happened, any injuries or missed work). Sleep deprivation can be harder to “prove,” so showing a pattern of torture matters. This can help if you decide to get an order of protection or need legal support later.
• Seek medical care if you can.
  A medical professional (your primary care doctor or a professional in your local emergency department) can likely document the impact of sleep deprivation and any injuries that have come from it as a result. This might include cognitive issues, extreme exhaustion, headaches, falls, etc. You don’t have to disclose everything at once—share what feels safe. They may have other local resources that can help you find support. 
• Create small pockets of safer rest, if you can.
  This isn’t a solution, but it may help you get through:
  ~ Try napping when your partner isn’t home or is less likely to interrupt
  ~ Rest in a room with a lock or barrier, if that’s safer (though locks can escalate some situations—trust your gut on this one)
  ~ If it’s safe to do so, sleep near others (children, roommates) if that reduces the likelihood of the abuser targeting you 
  ~ Keep essentials (phone, charger, keys) within reach in case you need to leave quickly in the middle of the night 

Also, you may want to consider safety planning with your children in case the abuser’s tactics escalate while they’re home.

You’re Not Alone

If any of this sounds familiar, there are people ready to listen. Visit our Get Help page to connect with a local organization, or use Hope Chat at the bottom of your screen to explore other articles on similar topics and find support.