Shelley Flannery
Advocate, Freelance Writer and Editor
Shelley Flannery is a trained domestic violence advocate long-time freelance writer and editor whose experience includes domestic violence reporting as well as law enforcement. She strives to make stories come to life with fresh angles and concise messaging.
Articles by Shelley Flannery
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What Is Sexual Coercion?
December 23, 2019 Just because it’s not rape, doesn’t mean it’s not abuse | Maybe your partner guilted you into it, or just kept asking until you relented. Or maybe ... read more
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Will Domestic Abuse Happen Again?
June 01, 2022 How to tell if your partner has really changed or if they’re likely to abuse again | This piece was originally published in 2016. It was updated in... read more
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A Narcissistic Abuser Will Never Change
October 30, 2019 Why no amount of love, counseling or batterer intervention will keep you safe | If you are in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, hoping for... read more
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How to Survive Gaslighting
October 22, 2018 Four tactics for learning to trust your intuition again | I know what happened. I’m not imagining things. Am I imagining things? %{email_signup} ... read more
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What Happens After an Abuser Gets Arrested?
June 17, 2019 What’s going on from when an abuser is placed in the police car to release | Your abusive partner was just taken away in handcuffs. Whew. You final... read more
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8 Ways to Talk with Kids Exposed to Domestic Violence
August 27, 2018 They know more than you think. Use these tips to start the conversation | Children, even young ones, are more aware than you think. Even if you do ... read more
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A Guide to Coercive Control
August 04, 2021 How to recognize this subtle yet dangerous form of domestic abuse | Coercive control refers to any pattern of behavior an abuser uses to dominate t... read more
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How to Get a Protection Order Served on an Abuser
August 26, 2019 Having a judge grant you a protection order is only half the battle | “Just get a restraining order.” Most advice to survivors of domestic violenc... read more
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Why Is She Speaking Out Now?
July 30, 2018 We need to stop using a survivor’s fear of coming forward as a reason to disbelieve them | In light of the #MeToo movement and the Time’s Up campai... read more
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Possessiveness: The Precursor to Power and Control
January 07, 2019 Eight signs you should run before the abuse begins | We’re taught from a very young age that jealousy and possessiveness are signs of true love. If... read more
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When an Abuser Controls the Story
June 17, 2020 Abusers lie about incidents before you have a chance to tell your side | For a host of reasons—shock, embarrassment, guilt, shame, safety—it’s diff... read more
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How to Stash Cash
January 29, 2020 Gearing up to leave an abuser? There are ways to set aside money in secret | Whether you plan to go to a shelter or stay with a friend, it’s possib... read more
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My Story of Delayed Trauma
January 11, 2017 Not knowing you’re in an abusive relationship doesn’t make it any less painful | I’ve been a freelance writer for 12 years. I’ve written on topics ... read more
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Undiagnosed Brain Injuries Common in Survivors
December 02, 2019 Ohio study leads to new tools for advocates and survivors | Traumatic brain injury has gotten a lot of attention in recent years as professional fo... read more
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Starting from Scratch
September 30, 2019 You had to leave an abuser suddenly and now you have nothing but the clothes on your back | Maybe you left in the heat of an argument or while they... read more
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Do I Need a Lawyer?
February 02, 2022 Know when it’s important to hire an attorney for domestic violence issues | If you’re contemplating leaving an abuser, you may be wondering, “Do I ... read more
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How Do I Donate Items to Shelters?
August 05, 2019 Tips for making the biggest impact on domestic abuse with your in-kind donations | Whether you’re full-on Marie Kondo-ing your way through your hom... read more
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How to Help a Child Who's Being Abused
February 24, 2020 Intimate partner violence and child abuse often go hand in hand. Here’s how you can intervene | Where there’s intimate partner violence, there’s of... read more
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Why We Need to Let Boys Cry
January 02, 2019 Teaching young men not to show emotion can lead to violence | Don’t cry. Walk it off. Man up. These common phrases can be heard at the playground,... read more
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Sentenced for Defending Themselves
October 04, 2021 Documentary ‘And So I Stayed’ is about the survivors who spend years behind bars for fighting back | Men, on average, are sentenced to two to six y... read more
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Can You Be Turned Away from a Shelter for Drug Use?
July 15, 2020 What to do if substance use disorder is keeping you from getting the help you need | The Family Violence Prevention and Services Act expressly proh... read more
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New Hope for PTSD
February 05, 2020 Research suggests injection therapy improves symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder | Only about 40% of people with posttraumatic stress disord... read more
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What Is Sexual Abuse?
April 19, 2021 A comprehensive guide to recognizing sexual abuse and domestic violence | Sexual abuse is any unwanted sexual contact obtained by force, threats or... read more
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I Got Arrested, Too. Now What?
April 08, 2020 What to do if you find yourself in handcuffs just like the person who abused you | Your partner has a history of abusing you. Most of the time, you... read more
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Couples Counseling Will Not Stop Abuse
October 19, 2020 Seek individual therapy if you suspect you’re being controlled | Has your partner started yelling more frequently? Maybe they’ve become jealous for... read more
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Documenting Domestic Violence Evidence
March 08, 2021 VictimsVoice helps you secretly collect relevant, legally admissible evidence | Sheri Kurdakul and her three siblings survived child abuse and dome... read more
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Survivor: DeBorah Washington Barrow
November 05, 2018 From abused to accused—a five-year relationship has haunted her for more than 40 years | Her story starts out like so many others. When DeBorah Was... read more
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Do Stand Your Ground Laws Apply to DV Survivors?
September 07, 2020 How self-defense laws help victims of abuse and how they don’t | Self-defense laws in every state are designed to help protect would-be victims of ... read more
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What Is Spiritual Abuse?
December 22, 2021 A comprehensive guide to recognizing this type of domestic violence, also called religious abuse | Spiritual abuse, also called religious abuse, ha... read more
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An Abuser Stole Your Stimulus Check ... Now What?
November 18, 2020 The steps you can take to get your 2020 economic impact payment—and how to avoid it happening again | In March, the U.S. Treasury Department and th... read more
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Helping Women Find Their Voices
July 06, 2020 Patrisha McLean’s Finding Our Voices initiative shines light on abuse in Maine | Patrisha McLean, domestic abuse survivor and former wife of singer... read more
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Bad News: Anyone Can Be a Gaslighter
July 19, 2021 Gaslighting is a manipulation technique used by narcissists everywhere. How to spot examples of gaslighting by co-workers, friends and acquaintance... read more
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After Abuse, Everyone Has an Opinion
September 23, 2020 After leaving an abuser, some people will share judgement, opinions—here’s why you shouldn’t listen | If you told anyone during your relationship a... read more
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Why You Should Celebrate Yourself This Valentine's Day
February 04, 2019 Who says February 14th festivities require a mate? | Valentine’s Day, shmalentine’s day. After leaving an abuser, that’s probably what you’re think... read more
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Domestic Violence and the Law
January 10, 2022 A comprehensive guide to understanding the legal system and how it can help protect you from an abuser | Crimes of domestic violence are some of th... read more
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What Is Elder Abuse?
June 14, 2021 A comprehensive guide to understanding domestic violence and the role of adult protective services | Elder abuse is the intentional or negligent mi... read more
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Around the World: Domestic Violence on the Rise
October 07, 2020 China creates an offender database and the UK revamps its family courts | Domestic violence is a global issue, particularly during these challengin... read more
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Officers Charged with Domestic Violence Still Have Guns
July 29, 2020 How law enforcement skirts the Lautenberg Amendment | Studies show that abusers who have access to a gun are 500 percent more likely to kill their ... read more
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Shelters Work to Keep COVID-19 Out
May 20, 2020 Domestic shelters are taking precautions like everyone else, and they’re open and ready to help | With most states still advocating social distanci... read more
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A Worldwide View on Whats Being Done to Protect Partners
November 12, 2018 A roundup of actions being taken to reduce intimate partner violence around the world—and what isn’t | The United States and Canada are far from th... read more
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Shelter Graduates Pay It Forward to Help Incoming Women
December 10, 2018 Former residents of one Las Vegas shelter formed a group to mentor other survivors | Las Vegas is famous for many things—Elvis impersonators, neon-... read more
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Can Virtual Support Help You Heal?
August 26, 2020 How to get the most out of online support services and survivor communities | For many reasons, not the least of which is safety, it can be difficu... read more
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Do Women Get as Much Compassion as Animals?
December 30, 2020 The sad truth about how little we sometimes value women’s lives in cases of abuse | How many times have you seen the ubiquitous ASPCA commercial wi... read more
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Are Things Getting Any Better?
October 26, 2020 Four experts weigh in on the progress we’ve made in the fight against domestic violence | Pictured above, from left: Judy Harris Kluger, Paige Flin... read more
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Virtual Court Hearings Make Testifying Safer
May 05, 2021 The silver lining of the pandemic may be not having to face an abuser in court | The pandemic has been hard on everyone, but particularly survivors... read more
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Getting Through to Teens with Video Games
December 19, 2018 How one organization is using computer games to educate teens about dating violence | Video games get a bad rap for creating violence, but what if ... read more
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How Can Kids Concentrate on School After Trauma?
August 31, 2020 Be it a pandemic and subsequent quarantine, or violence at home, the transition back isn’t going to be easy | It’s normal for any child to have but... read more
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Survivors in Remote Alaska Face Unique Challenges
October 03, 2018 How to get help when geography poses barriers | We know there are at least 50 barriers to leaving a domestic abuser—and they’re only intensified wh... read more
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The Connection Between Cults and Domestic Violence
May 02, 2022 What studying cults can teach us about control and victim shaming | Hearing the phrase “drank the Kool-Aid” is like nails on a chalkboard to clinic... read more
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Majority of Young People Have Moved Back Home
January 06, 2021 Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean domestic violence in young adults is lessening | The number of young adults who are moving back in with their pare... read more
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Turning Off the News is Self-Care
June 24, 2020 For many, including survivors of violence, the daily download of bad news can be triggering | In today’s rapidly changing environment, it’s natural... read more
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Do You Feel Trapped Because of Your HIV Status?
May 11, 2020 Survivors who are HIV positive face unique barriers to leaving an abuser | Enduring abuse is difficult for anyone. But add in living with HIV and a... read more
